Jesus also, that he might sanctify the people with his own blood, suffered outside the gate. Therefore, let us go forth to him outside the camp, bearing his reproach. For we have no continuing city here, but we seek one to come.
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I have told you before that until we are established in the grace of God, every one of us has a price for which we would sell out the Lord Jesus. Remember, Satan offered Judas his price, and he took the bait. It is the mercy of God that protects us from Satan offering us our selling-out price until we mature and become rooted in the love of Jesus. Then, and only then, do we have no price from which we would sell our souls.
Another way of describing this same spiritual reality is to say that, until we are established in Christ, there are boundaries in our hearts beyond which we will not follow Jesus. Until the born-again soul is established in grace, there are limits to the willingness to obey God. Until then, there are commandments that our heavenly Father has for all His children, but cannot give because He knows that many would be unable to obey, and their conscience then would become defiled with condemnation. Our Father has holy and good commandments, commandments that will protect and rescue His children-and benefit others as well-but His children would not receive those commandments as being from Him even if an angel delivered them to them. They have their boundaries.
It is only right that we acknowledge our need of God's protection while we develop the spiritual maturity that will enable us to joyfully obey any commandment that our Father gives to us. We want no boundaries in our hearts; boundaries limit how much fellowship we can have with Jesus and the Father. We want endless faith, and endless desire to receive and obey the will of God, whatever it is.
I have felt that inward hesitation, a fear of hearing again from God. I have felt the fear of receiving the next holy thought emanating from His heart, the fear of wondering what He would show me and ask of me next. I know what it feels like for God to reveal truth that truly frightened and challenged my soul. I have been compelled by God's voice to pray for strength to be able to believe what I knew God had said. When God called me out of Christianity, I trembled for days and pleaded for faith to believe Him. I remember praying, "Jesus, I am afraid!" but then adding, "But don't stop talking to me!" I knew he was right, but how could I believe it? He had to help me, or, I knew, I could not go there with him. He was calling me beyond my boundaries. I felt like a man drowning, not drowning in water but in the knowledge of God that was being given to me, and I felt desperate for His help. The light was more than I could take in. Listen to me, my friends. God has knowledge that would drive men insane if He revealed it suddenly and without preparation.
These kinds of experiences, in which I have been forced to face my own frailties, have taught me that it is only by God's mercy that I am able to believe His word and obey it. They taught me that I had boundaries in my heart over which I was unable to climb so that I could obey my God. I was disciplined to humbly trust my God to tear down the walls that I in my lifetime had built so that He could lead me and I could follow-all the way.
God alone can expose to us the boundaries that are hidden in our hearts, and God alone can tear them down. We must trust Him to do both, so that we can grow in grace to the point that He knows that He can speak and we will listen.